In the novel To Kill a
Mockingbird, Atticus Finch tells his daughter, Scout: “You never really understand another person until you consider things
from his point of view – until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in
it.” What he was describing was empathy – the ability to understand another
person’s experiences and emotions; to share someone else’s feelings.
Empathy has been called the most critical skill for the 21st
century. With our increasingly diverse
and global workforce, the ability to connect with others and consider varying
perspectives are essential to effective leadership, high performing teams and
strong customer relationships.
In a study reported in the Harvard Business Review, a group from the
University of Southern California’s Annenberg School for Communication and
Journalism asked business leaders across the US to describe the attributes
executives must have to be successful in today’s economy. The five critical
attributes they listed were: adaptability, cultural competence, 360-degree
thinking, intellectual curiosity, and empathy. A number of the leaders
interviewed placed empathy at the top of the list.
Why is empathy so important? Making an emotional connection with
someone through shared understanding breaks down barriers (differences) and
helps build trust, which is the basis for any relationship. Trust between
leader and employee, trust among team members, trust between client and sales
professional.
Empathy is a key component of Emotional Intelligence (EQ), which is
defined by Psychology Today as the
ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. It
has been shown to be one of the strongest predictors of performance. Today EQ is considered just as important as
IQ (if not more so) for career success. In fact, 90% of top performers are high
in EQ (TalentSmart).
How would you rate your ability to empathize with others? And what can
you do to increase it? Here are some
tips for becoming more empathetic:
Develop self-awareness. What
internal/external barriers prevent you from trying to “climb inside another
person’s skin?” Think about people in your past or present who have different
backgrounds, experiences, education, opinions – what could you have done/do to
better understand where they’re coming from?
Practice listening. Really
listening. Stephen Covey said, “Most
of us don’t listen with the intent to understand, we listen with the intent to
reply.” Hold off on formulating a
response, block out all other distractions and just listen. Try to do this with
a variety of people so you get in the habit of listening to people with
different perspectives than yours. Strike up a conversation with someone you
don’t know. Give them your full attention. You’ll be amazed at what you learn.
Withhold judgment. It’s been
said that we form an opinion of someone within the first 30 seconds of meeting
them. Don’t. Allow yourself to hear their story. Try to picture in your mind
the scenario they describe.
Look for the emotion. Body
language says a lot. In fact, it accounts for 55% of the impact of a message.
What might the person be feeling that they aren’t saying?
Change your lens. Now
imagine how you’d feel in the situation they’ve described. How would you have responded? What impact would
the experience have had on your behavior, your view of the world? We all have
our personal “perception ladders” based on our upbringing, education, and
experiences. Being able to view someone
else’s perception ladder and understanding how it got that way will help you to adapt
yours.
There was a time, not all that long ago, when emotions were a topic
rarely discussed in the workplace. Not that they didn’t exist. We’ve all see
the tirades of tyrannical leaders, and the tears left in their wake. Thankfully, things have changed. Today, the ability to identify, acknowledge
and manage your emotions is seen as a highly desirable (and talked about!)
skill.
Lead on,
Rebecca
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