I feel this topic is extremely relevant right now as I’m guilty of a lapse in communicating here on my blog for several weeks. As those of you who have opted to follow me know - my intentions were to post weekly, however I have found myself inundated with business travel and failed to get my post updated in a timely manner. So, here it goes - my commitment to you is to get this back on track even if it means posting from 35k miles up in the air!
Dr. Lawrence J. Peter had this to say about communication:
“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”
I love this quote and for those of you who know me personally, you know that my life is built around this. I have been involved my entire career in the psychology of human dynamics and have utilized many different personal assessment tools to help others understand their own communication filters as well as the filters and perceptions of others. I have seen what this awareness has done for the success of individuals, the growth of teams, the culture of organizations and a leader's power to influence and make a difference.
I’ve always searched for the most advanced assessment tools for this purpose and am currently involved with a relatively new, state of the art tool from Lumina Learning. I believe this tool to be the ‘next generation’ for personal and professional growth. It directly measures the 24 qualities of one’s behaviors in three different personas of the personality. Through this, one receives a clear representation of how they react, behave and communicate which is based on a combination of the Big5 empirical data and key Jungian concepts - therefore a major advancement from my perspective. That said, let’s explore why communication is fundamentally so important.
Today I want to open up this blog for your input and feedback. After all, this is about Communication and Interaction! I will set the context for why this is important and the impact it has had in my life. Then, I would like to hear from YOU – what are YOUR experiences with communication?
The impact and value of proper communication became blatantly apparent to me many years ago as a consultant for the Attorney General’s office in setting up Mediation Centers around the state of Texas. As a professional mediator, I conducted and oversaw many types of mediation – domestic, commercial and governmental. Holding mediation for inmates and training them in these skills so that they can resolve their own issues once released from prison was a life changing experience. These inmates had not learned communication skills – they had learned other ways, quite dangerous ways, in which to resolve personal issues.
I’ll never forget sitting on my bed in a (pardon the pun) no-tell motel located in Podunk, Texas. It was my birthday and I was without my children or loved ones wondering what in the heck I was doing there. However, the following days had an enormous impact on my life. Watching inmates work diligently to become skilled at peacefully resolving issues so they could create this process at the half-way houses where they would soon be moving was – well as I said, life changing. I equate it to teaching a child to swim – part of it is natural, and yet so foreign and unfamiliar. And if we don’t struggle through that process then we never learn to swim, do we? And we manage ourselves around water in an entirely different way – a non-productive way – a way of innate survival.
The essence of what I learned through my years of mediation experience boils down to one thing – 90% of the issues that come before us are resolved once clear communication occurs. What is the most important step in this process? Feeling heard and therefore valued as a human being.
Listening is an art in itself. People feel heard when someone has truly listened. Listening is a major factor in generating clear communication. People have a basic need to be valued. They need to be validated and their position or feeling on a topic to be valued. People have feelings and emotions around their communication – these feelings and emotions are the drivers of behavior– actions and reactions. We must listen intently for those. Once we can observe and understand the emotions driving the behavior, then we can truly empathize with an individual’s needs. True communication doesn’t happen until we reach this level of connectedness. How do we do this? How do we handle ourselves in a way that is connected to others at this level?
This was a pivotal point in my career. I moved from mediation (reactive) to writing personal and professional empowerment programs (pro-active) with communication skills as the fundamental core of these programs. Corporations began to utilize these programs and this created the platform of my professional career in learning and development.
I will leave you with my tip – LEAN into a stronger level of connectedness!
· Listen - with your ears not your mouth, you do have two of them!
· Emotion – listen for the emotions and feelings behind the words
· Ask – check for clarity on what is being said
· Needs – what are the needs of those involved? Ask if you don’t know.
So now – over to YOU - What are your thoughts on communication?
Please send us your tips and techniques for clear and effective communications.
What is your process of for connectedness?
How have you utilized this professionally? Where has it led you?
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
-George Bernard Shaw
Let us strive to make every communication a successful reality, not an illusion.
Now, over to you –
Rebecca
